How to Say "Sorry"

A sincere apology is an act of respect - respect for the person wronged, for one's self, and for the relationship. 

Saying sorry means releasing anger and freeing ourselves of regret.  And while the pain of the past cannot be undone, a sincere apology unleashes the power to repair the hurt and to mend a broken heart.

A heartfelt "I'm sorry" acknowledges the hurt.  And only by acknowledging the hurt can we begin the path to forgiveness.

And so we face the age old question, "How to apologize".

The answer is … from the heart… acting on love, not on anger, and taking responsibility for our actions.

A sincere apology rests on 3 important elements:
• Forgiving One's Self
• Regret for our behavior
• Willingness to change our behavior

Forgive Yourself

It is unlikely that you can offer a sincere apology if you cannot forgive yourself.  Accept that you made a mistake and that you failed to take responsibility for your own actions.  You made a mistake, now it is time to move on, to assume responsibility for your own actions, and to save your relationship.

Regret

Even if you feel only partly responsible, saying sorry requires that admit to your wrong doing.  Be specific.  Acknowledge exactly what you have done wrong.  While you may feel that your partner shares some of the blame, be very careful to avoid placing that blame.  Accept full responsibility and speak from the heart … "I know I behaved badly, but I never stopped loving you."

Changing Behavior

Your expression of regret is only the beginning.  Now you have to prove it.  This will be tested over time.

However, by acknowledging your partner's pain and anger, you are encouraging intimacy and trust.  This empowers both of you to work to strengthen the relationship.  And with both of you involved, changing your behavior is not as difficult as it might seem.

What if your apology is not accepted?

It may be in the timing.  Perhaps it is too soon.  Respect that your partner may need more time and space.  Trust can be earned again when you show both respect and empathy.  Reassure, and speak from your heart …"I love you.  When you're ready, let's work together to make this right."

Never underestimate the power of saying sorry.  Spoken from the heart, it is perhaps the single most powerful expression of love, capable of soothing anger, releasing the fear of regret, subduing future misunderstandings, and easing the pain of the past.