Love But Not In Love

Love but not in love … Can this mean your partner is cheating?  Perhaps.  Unfortunately when your spouse or serious soul mate confesses that "I love you but I'm not in love with you" there are serious relationship problems that must be addressed - now.

More often than we would like to admit, a cheating spouse or a cheating partner strays once they believe their marriage or relationship is so overcome with problems that there is no way out.  Despite the fact that they may have devoted years to the marriage or relationship, the passion of a forbidden affair can overpower true emotions.  At least for the short term, the cheating partner achieves their needs from another man or woman.  The emphasis being on the short term.  Beyond the lust and passion, the reality is the affair is nothing more than a distraction that thwarts the truth and presumes that the relationship that matters most - is over.

The lesson to be learned is to deal with marriage problems or relationship problems before either or both of the partners allows their feelings of hopelessness to destroy their love.

Ultimately the best way to save a relationship is to be devoted to it and to your partner. So many couples could avoid the damage brought from a cheating partner if only they had devoted the time and respect to encourage their marriage or relationship to prosper.

Ironically, most all relationships suffer from time to time from similar types of problems.  The difference is, couples who succeed in their relationship learn to accept the need to change and evolve in order to meet these problems before they destroy the relationship.

Taking each other for granted, rarely taking the time to say "I love you", or to express compliments.  Taken to the extreme, praise and acceptance are replaced with criticism and resentment.

• Failing to assume daily responsibilities such as cleaning up after one's self, or sharing everyday tasks.

• Lack of respect.  Not treating one another with courtesy; failure to appreciate the other's point of view.

• Financial irresponsibility.  One partner wants to save; the other spends money faster than it comes in.

• Too much time devoted to work or other outside interests, to the point that this time becomes detrimental to the marriage or relationship.

• Lack of intimacy and quality time together.

• Failing to work together as a couple; dismissing future goals.

• Not accepting the responsibility to make the relationship better.

No matter how dire the circumstances, you can save your relationship.  But saving means accepting above all else a need to change.  That change must begin by giving up the fight, no matter who is wrong or who is right.  Even if only one partner is willing to accept change, usually change in one encourages change in the other.

Change begins with give and take.  This means refusing to keep score, and appreciating that especially when giving, one must do so with affection and humility. When all is said and done, it really doesn't matter who's to blame, or who's wrong and who's right.  What does matter is being open and honest in expressing feelings, and being equally respectful of your partner's thoughts and feelings.

Change means accepting the good with the bad.  Neither you nor your partner is perfect.  Accept each other's flaws, and work to correct your own. When a couple works together to achieve harmony, they will attain it.

Change is healthy and dynamic.  Living a full and happy life means adapting to change within yourself, within your partner, and within your relationship.

Ultimately the best way to save your relationship is to respect it.  Be devoted to your relationship and to your partner.  So many couples could avoid the damage brought from a cheating partner if only they had devoted the time and respect to encourage their relationship to prosper.

No one wants to hear "I love you but I'm not in love with you".  The seriousness of this sentiment must never be underestimated.  If you are determined to make your marriage or relationship work, begin by focusing on solutions and compromise rather than on proving you're right.  Ask for support from family and friends.  And even more importantly, seek help and expert advice from counselors, clergy, and other qualified sources.

A relationship - especially a marriage - saved is worth every effort expended.