Solving Relationship Problems

A major consideration in making the decision to save a troubled relationship is to consider all the consequences.  Relationship problems can be repaired with a few exceptions.  Those exceptions include abusive relationships and destructive relationships. 

In either of those cases, one must evaluate the possibility of reconciliation versus the potential for permanent damage.  Rarely can a destructive or abusive relationship be repaired.  In either case, professional intervention is warranted.

However, in situations where a relationship is troubled rather than unhealthy, that is, the relationship is neither profoundly destructive nor abusive, a commitment to save your relationship can indeed do just that!

Consider this 4 step relationship action action plan.

Communication

Nearly all relationship problems begin with a lack of communication.  When we fail to communicate, we risk losing commitment to one another, we nurture resentment, and our insecurities take over.

Here are some tips for improving communication.

• First and foremost, make time for each other.  Mute the cell phones, let the computer sleep, and turn on some soothing music.  If necessary, schedule specific times each day when the two of you can simply enjoy each other's company.  Use that time to share each other's daily ups and downs, to share a good laugh, and to work together to become closer.

• You must communicate on lingering relationship problems.  To do this, you must mutually establish some ground rules.  Agree not to interrupt, to avoid accusatory comments, and to stop the blame game.  If the conversation becomes heated, agree to take a break.  When you resume the communication, consider a more public environment where yelling really is not an option!

• Above all, appreciate that communication is all about listening.  Each of you should express your position, your beliefs, but even more important is a willingness to listen.  Most relationship problems can be solved simply by listening to each other.

Re-establish Commitment

Commitment is about supporting one another, being there in good times and in bad.  Commitment is about respect and accountability.

• Recognize that  your relationship must be a priority.  A lasting relationship moves past being "in love" towards a "loving relationship".  Investing in a loving relationship is as basic as showing an interest in each other.  Take time during the day to make contact, show appreciation for your partner.  Most of all, never take your relationship for granted.

• Openly show respect for each other.  When you speak and act with respect you are reinforcing that you care about your partner.  Acting with respect means taking care of yourself as well as your partner.

• Commitment to one another means appreciating one another.  Openly express your love and your appreciation, and your gratitude for your relationship every day.  It's as easy as a soft touch, a thank you, or an "I love you."

Conflict

Conflict can be resolved only by correcting the underlying relationship problems that drive the anger.

• Understand that if you continue to approach the issues in the same manner as before, the outcome will be the same.  And yet, disagreements must be settled.  It may be as simple as changing your approach.  For example, resist the immediate urge to defend yourself and listen.  Frequently an approach as subtle as this will produce dramatically positive results.  Think respect!

• Like it or not, a genuine apology can soothe all.  If you think you're wrong – or even partially wrong – admit it!  While a lack of forgiveness can destroy a relationship, a genuine apology forms the basis of forgiveness.  Without forgiveness, there is little chance for a happy, lasting relationship.

• Accept  accountability for your actions.  How do you behave in the heat of an argument?  Are you genuinely looking to resolve the relationship problems, or are you looking for revenge?  Are you listening, or are you placing blame and being hurtful?  If you fall short, resolve to change your attitude.

Mutual Trust

Trust is essential to the survival of all relationships.  Sometimes couples engage in behaviors that encourage a lack of trust.  Work together to resolve relationship problems by following these basic considerations.

• Accept personal responsibility.  When you agree to do something – do it.  Take care of yourself.

• Be considerate.  Call if you're late.  Strive to do thoughtful things for your partner.  Never lie.

• Be sensitive to your partner's needs.  Even if you disagree, respect your partner's point of view.

• Fight fair.  Arguments take place in all relationships.  Listen for solutions.  Never say things you know you will regret.  Don't blow things out of proportion. 

The key is to work together to solve your relationship problems.  The results can be magically rewarding.